What Really Happened Between My Thighs...

Many of you have asked the question if my last blog "Between My Thighs" really happened. Yes my friends, it did.
So in case you were wondering... Yes. Somebody has actually been in The Thigh Area this last decade...
But he eventually got kicked out again too.

I'll tell you the story... This is what really happened:

I met D years ago on the internet. We became good friends, but we both never hinted towards anything romantic... I actually turned him down the first few times he asked me out... But when I finally gave in ("Okaaaay I'll go out with you... Just please stop with the begging already..."), it turned out we were quite the match!

We went out on a few dates and I definitely felt an unexplainable 'click' between us...
It was nice! He was nice!
Like me, he had a crazy sense of humor, so we shared a lot of laughs... And I was happy to realize that there were still some "nice guys" left after all, and I was even more blown away when he told me that he had fallen in love with me the moment we met.

I believed him.

What I didn't know back then, is that men don't fall in love at first sight. They're simply not emotional enough...
So ladies, if a guy tells you on the first few dates that he's in love with you, this means that:
a.) he's just buttering you up for sex
b.) he doesn't know what love is (he probably thinks it's a disease you just catch)
c.) he's gay

Three very valid reasons to hightail out of there...

But all of this happened many players ago, so I had no idea he was bullshitting me at the time... Therefore, I plea temporary insanity. Or temporary gullibility... Call it what you want. I just didn't know better (yet).

So I believed him.

But along the way, things didn't quite add up... My female intuition alarm bells were going off, working overtime, in the pit of my stomach, and I started testing him a little bit.

I asked him some of the same questions I had already asked on the first few dates, but his stories were inconsistent. And we all know; lies are harder to remember than the truth... Hmmm... people's exhibit A.

And you should know, I'm not one to chase after a guy... So I let him initiate all contact... But I noticed that he always called me during office hours, or from his car on his way home...
So I tested him some more... And when I would call or send him a text message late at night, his phone would be switched off.
Maybe it's not any hard evidence you'll win a case with in court, but it sure is suspicious...

After a few weeks of dating (and my undercover investigative work), I called him once, during the day, and I got his voicemail for a change... I had never heard the message before, so I was kinda curious what it said.... Imagine my surprise, when it said that "D and Nathalie couldn't come to the phone right now"....

I panicked. I froze. And I hung up to phone...

"...D and Nathalie..."? WHO THE F*CK is Nathalie??!

And of course, not a minute later my phone rang...
It said "D" on my display, so I answered, still kinda in shock, but ready to confront him and get some answers. I said; "Hello?" but in a what-the-f*ck-do-you-want kinda way.

And sure enough.... It wasn't D on the phone calling me back...
It was Nathalie.

"Yes hello, did you just call this number?" she asked.

"Ehm... See... what had happened wassss... ehm... yea... ehmmm.... I did.... But ehm... I don't even know a D, nor a Nathalie, so ehhhh, I musta had the wrong number! Mbye!"
And I hung up.

That was weird.

In hindsight I figured that Nathalie had probably seen my name come up on D's display too, so of course I didn't dial the wrong number... But she was probably as much in shock as I was, and couldn't get a word in between my rambling...

So that was it. All the proof I needed. The fairytale was over.
Now I know I can always rely on my gut feeling!
And more proof also... that it IS really hard to find a "nice guy" nowadays...

But me and D were over.
No more Between-My-Thighs-Exploring for him!

I never told him I found out... I figure; why crush the one thing a man cares about?
(And in case you're wondering; I'm not talking about his HEART, I'm talking about his EGO!)

I just told him he wasn't right for me. Which is true, cuz I don't do liars...
He never asked me any questions, so he probably knew that that was secret code for: "I am on to you, you lying summavab*tch!"

And I let Nathalie handle the rest...

So here are a couple of tips for all the players out there:
1. Never underestimate the power of female intuition. It is a force that is greater than you.
2. If you're gonna lie, make sure you remember what you lied about, you moron!
But let me tell you now: It may not be today or tomorrow, or next week or next month, but a lie ALWAYS comes out.

And here's a tip for all the players trying to play me:
1. Don't let the blond locks fool you! If you're underestimating my intelligence, you're insulting me.
I have yet to meet a man that can outsmart me in the player department.
What can I say? Nothing gets passed Miss Vicstar.

It's too bad though, cuz D was really special to me there for a minute...
I really liked him and we could have been friends, if he hadn't lied to me... But I don't want friends that lie. That's just disrespectful. And I'm allergic to disrespect. That, and bullshit.

So I never talked to him again.

But the flowers he sent me the next Valentine's Day were a nice touch, though.

They really brightened up my trashcan.