...The Love I Want...

People often ask me why I'm single. I hate that question! How in the world should I know? It's not like I have any power over it. It's not like I'm in control of my love life. Or wait a minute... Should I be?

I'm not really looking for love... Hm. Ok well maybe I am, a little bit...
But I would never admit to it. Cuz I'm trying not to be too obvious about it, cuz that would appear desperate. And desperate is one thing that I'm not. No sirryyy! But yeah; I want love.

Remember boys and girls; There are three kinds of people in the world: Those that have love, those that want love, and those that don't even have the slightest idea what love is... Sadly enough, all the men I met recently fall into that last category...
Yes it's true what they say; A good man is hard to find...(...and a hard man is so good to find)... Mmm...
But let's get it straight; I don't want a lover. I want love.

I've been through some shitty times, and I met plenty of azz wipes in my life... I got my heart bruised more times than I can count on both hands... But still, I'm not bitter from any past relationships that didn't work out... You live and learn, right? You have to go through the worst to appreciate the best... I've definitely had my share of heartaches and bullshit. And if I would tell you all about it, you'll probably wonder why I'm not a lesbian yet...

Sometimes I think maybe I scare these guys away when they find out I'm 35, I have a job, a crib, a car, no crazy exes (well, that's debatable), I can cook, talk sports, I'm not too hideous to look at, I'm funny, I've never been married, don't have kids, and have been single for about 5 years now... They look me up and down, and go: "So what’s wrong with you?" "Ehm... Why does something immediately have to be wrong WITH ME? Why can't there be something wrong WITH YOU? I mean; it took you thirty-freakin-five years to find my azz??!?!?! Huh? Huh! What you gotta say about that!!!"
Hm... on second thought, maybe that ain't the right approach either...

I always thought the reason why I'm single is BECAUSE ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS.
Now of course I know that's not entirely true... Of course not ALL men are idiots... just probably 9 out of 10 of them are... And seriously, I just never meet that one normal guy... One guy to prove to me they're not all the same...

My life is pretty quiet. I live here, in a small city, by myself, and pretty much do my own thing... I don't really go to clubs a lot anymore, (been there, done that) but I do occasionally go on dates. And every time I meet a 'new' guy, I go over my imaginary checklist;
• Is he funny?
• Is he intelligent?
• Is he well mannered and charming?
• Does he seem genuinely interested in me? (as a person, and not a f*ckbuddy!)
• Does he have a goal in life?
• A nice smile?
• Is he a good dresser?
• Smelling fresh and clean?
• Does he have a cool hobby or a talent?
• Does he like basketball as much as I do? (Lakerfans need not apply...)
• Has he travelled the world?
• Does he have a great last name? (extra points for 'Iverson'...)
• Can I bring him home to momma?
• ...etc...
And with the answers to all of these questions, I form an opinion in my mind; "Hmmm... yea this one might do..."
And I'm not gonna lie... Looks are not entirely unimportant either! I don't really have 'a type', but if I could build the perfect man, like in that movie Weird Science... Remember that? He'd probably be a strong tall guy with big arms, a great sense of humor, and a smile that can light up a room.

But you know what? This whole checklist... It doesn't work!

A guy can be PERFECT on paper, but bore me to death across a table at a candlelit dinner... Trying to impress me with all the things he has accomplished in life, and I'm sitting there thinking; "Try to accomplish to make me SMILE, mothaf*cka... Now THAT might impress me!"
And I don't mean to brag (ok maybe a little bit), but I went on dates with all kinds of guys; from an actor to a DJ, from a pilot to a taxi driver, from an NBA player to a NFL player, from a professional soccer player to a world champion boxer, from a lawyer to a soldier, from a model to a computer nerd. (Girl, the stories I have for you...... Remember to buy my book when it's done.)
They all had their qualities, and they all had their flaws. Just like you and I do...
Oh hell yeah, I know I have flaws. But I also know what I'm worth. And I'll never settle for anything or anybody less than I think I deserve. And that little bit extra is what separates me from a lot of other women, and makes me deserve a man that notices that, and is willing to give that little bit extra too. (Dignity, pride and confidence... A very sexy but lethal combination...)
I know that I'm VERY SELECTIVE... but don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting a knight in shining armour... Cuz let's face it; where can you find some armour nowadays anyway?

You know, in the end, what it all comes down to; All I really want, is somebody that I feel an unexplainable connection with... I'm waiting to meet somebody that I just 'click' with. Not somebody that likes me for my pretty green eyes or the size of my badunkadunk. But somebody that really GETS me. Somebody that values and respects ALL that is me... Somebody that motivates me and that is JUST AS motivated BY me... Somebody that laughs at my jokes... Somebody that finds the stuff that somebody else might find irritating about me, surprisingly adorable. Somebody that only has to say a few words to make my fingertips tingle and my tummy feel like the butterflies in there are back riding that beautiful rollercoaster. Somebody that will never make me doubt his love for me... That's the love I want.

And until I find that person, or that person finds me... I'll be single. I'll be dating myself! Cuz actually, that's all I really want; Somebody that's JUST LIKE me... And who's more like me, than... me??? When I'm dating myself, I'll have stimulating conversations with myself (cuz I already talk to myself anyway), I'll have nobody to impress BUT myself, I'll laugh at myself, sometimes cry to myself, and occasionally lie to myself cuz I don't want to hurt myselves feelings... I'll be happy with myself... ...Just, of course, until someone better comes along...

But I'll use this time to grow more and more into the loving woman that one day will make some lucky bastard the happiest man on this planet.

So, my message to you today: Never give up on love! It's out there, people... For everybody.